Adolescent Attachment and its Potential Compensating Mechanisms
Introduction
Until recently, family researchers have shied away from the chaotic whirlwind of the teenage years, focusing instead on infant/child attachments (Bowlby, 1980) and how they affect adult relationships (Behrens, 1999; Crowell, 2005.) They posit that secure attachment is developmentally vital and that without it a child will flounder in adult relationships (Campisano, 2004). But, by skipping over the teenage years, researchers have ignored one of the most insecure and developmentally important times of a person’s life. Some, however, have begun to fill the gap by studying how parent/adolescent attachments predict couple outcomes (Overbeek, 2003). However, this is no longer enough with the radical changes in the nuclear family, namely the exponential increase in divorce (Cherlin, 2004). These adolescents can no longer rely on their parents for their firm support base. This recent change stretches the murky hole of adolescent security and attachments to frightening proportions.
In an effort to fill this chasm, this paper presents a study of how different attachments in adolescence can furnish teen’s need for relationship and belonging. Specifically, I address whether a lack of healthy relationships with parents can be sufficiently replaced with peer or romantic partner affiliations. I hypothesize that teens often try to find security in these other individuals; however, they are not adequate compensating mechanisms and have primarily negative consequences.
Though adolescence is a time of ambiguous turmoil, there is much that the family science field can do to help. Considering how greatly these years affect later outcomes, it seems crucial that researchers turn their attention toward these troubles. Although important, it is not just a matter of saving a few adolescent’s lives. These teens are the future parents of the next generation, with the capacity to nourish and build or to ignorantly neglect and flounder. It is an arduous task for parents to teach their children confidence and security if they do not feel it themselves. Additionally, adults with insecure attachments have a greater likelihood for divorce (Crowell, 2009).Thus, therapists and researchers alike need to explicate whether trouble-bound teens can use peer and romantic partners to healthily make up for their failing parental relationships.
Attachment
John Bowlby is known as the father of Attachment theory. His hallmark studies, though published in the 1980s, still hold as the resident authority on attachment, with all recent experiments expanding on his work. Thus, in order to fully understand how an adolescent-parent relationship affects a teenager, we must first look at his work.
John Bowlby (1988) claims that a child needs a secure attachment to properly develop. He avers that this propensity to make intimate emotional bonds is an elementary component of human nature, present in infancy and continuing throughout our lives. He coined the term “working models” to describe the internalized representations of relationships (Furman, 2002; Bowlby, 1988). He contends that a child’s first “working models” of relationships (probably with parents or family members) influence the “working models” of future affiliations (with peers and romantic partners). In that regard, perceptions of one’s initial relationships are developmentally vital. Hertz-Lazarowitz agrees, conceding that attachment is the pattern or structure for your quality of family life, emotional health, and future relationships (Hertz-Lazarowitz, 1989). He sees intimacy as the “most positive and close relationship to a human being” and is “the core of the family’s very existence.”
It is obvious that attachment or closeness to an accessible human being is fundamental. However, it has also been observed that adolescents use different people for varying attachment needs. Markiewicz (2006) states that attachment can be divided into three areas: proximity-seeking, safe haven, and secure base. In a study of 499 adolescents, Markiewicz found that mothers are used more consistently for security than any other group, friends are used most for safe haven, and romantic partners are used most for proximity. He found that fathers are used the least for all areas of attachment. This study has some valuable implications for our quandary about whether unhealthy parental attachments can be adequately replaced. It connotes that friends and romantic partners are used for some aspects of attachment, though they may not fill all an adolescent’s needs.
Before we dive into these speculations further, we must establish what happens when secure attachment is missing in an adolescent’s life. John Bowlby’s “Strange Situation” experiment delineates how this is illustrated in infants. In his study, parents left their baby in a room with a stranger, visually recording how the baby would react when the parent left and came back (Bowlby, 1988; Brish, 2002). By analyzing this data, Bowlby authored the three types of attachment: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Those without good relationships with their parents form anxious or avoidant attachment styles (Bowlby, 1988). These attachment styles are characterized by clinginess and fear of being left alone (anxious attachment) or untrusting and avoidant behavior (avoidant attachment). Though this experiment only measured infant attachment, the findings relate greatly to our inquiry because of the foundation it gives us illustrating different kinds of attachments. With this background in Bowlby’s attachment theory, we can now look at an adolescent’s relationship with his/her parents and how it is similarly affected.
Parent-Adolescent Relationships
The parent-child relationship is not only the first fundamental relationship we have, but usually the most lasting. Consequently, this bond has integral value to our interpersonal development and arguably changes overtime. Roisman (2001) contends that a child internalizes their parent-child relationship and carries it forward future romantic relationships. This thought concurs with Bowlby’s theory of “working models.” However, this influential correlation has been tempered or explained by further research. Crockett, for example, finds that “the use of discussion to solve conflict mediated the association between adolescent family relationships and the level of connectedness in adult romantic relationships” (Crockett, 2006). This assertion brings profound ramifications. If the parent-adolescent relationship, for instance, is mediated by conflict resolution skills, then such teens without good family backgrounds could make up the deficiency by learning those skills elsewhere. Such a contestation opens up a whole arena of potentials. Could these teenagers learn conflict resolution skills from their peers, close relatives or romantic partners? Or could these principles be mandated through public education and influential teachers? Some support is evident for the later predication. The Conflict Resolution Education (CRE Program) has been implemented in some middle schools nationwide (Sandy, 2001). This program would teach adolescents the skills that their parents are failing to teach them. On analyzing these programs, Sandra V. Sandy found the program to be “reportedly effective.” Be that as it may, she does recognize some obstacles to the implementation of this program: minimal training for the teachers, difficulty assessing the student’s progress and learning, and the current conception that emotional learning should be separate from academic studies. Thus, there are some who think that the public school system could provide those skills parents fail to teach, but that notion has not yet been proven. Consequently, evidence that suggests whether adolescent/parent relationships can be healthily replaced is still lacking.
Continuing with our investigation, we must decipher what consequences beset a teenager who doesn’t have secure parent-adolescent attachments. Do they all flounder unavoidably? Hertz-Lazarowtiz found that children from divorced families have much lower intimacy rates with their parents (Hertz-Lazarowitz, 1989). Furthermore, these adolescents can then develop insecure adult attachments which can lead to a greater likelihood of divorce (Crowell, 2009). However, this shaky attachment base can have more immediate effects as well. Karl Brisch (2002) states that adolescents who have bad parental attachments often have addictive relationships that coincide with substance dependency. Brisch further speculates that bad parental attachments are associated with truancy, delinquency, and severe psychosomatic illnesses (bulimia, anorexia nervosa, ulcerative colitis).
It is even more interesting to see how Brisch goes about helping these adolescents. In treating all of these issues, Brisch (2002) would use therapy, not to replace the failing parental attachment with peers or romantic partners, but to try and heal that parent-adolescent attachment. In none of his sessions recorded in his book would he encourage the adolescent to develop new attachments as a healthy security base. Instead, he would try and fix the adolescent’s current relationship with his/her parent(s) or try to change their perception of their parent-adolescent relationship. Seeing this done in the field strongly hints that such parent-adolescent relationships cannot be replaced healthily with peers or romantic partners.
Peer Relationships
Obviously, an adolescent’s relationship with their peers is a prominent part of a teen’s life. These friends often have great influence over an adolescent. For example, Dhariwal (2009) posits that peer groups indirectly influence a teen’s romantic style (consolidated or exploratory) in young adulthood. Additionally, Markiewicz (as previously mentioned) reports that adolescents use peers most for the “safe haven” function of attachment (2006).
However, these peer connections can often be rather fragile and superficial, causing professionals to wonder whether these attachments can adequately replace a parent-adolescent bond. Such ponderings can be partially explained from research on children from divorced families. Hertz-Lazarowitz (1989) found that children from divorced families had lower intimacy rates toward their father, but significantly similar closeness to their mother and peers. Consequently, he argues that children do not make up for the lack of a relationship with a father by being closer to their mother or peers. Farndale (2003) agrees that when adolescents have low connection with their parents, it does not increase their attachment with friends. He also contends that children from divorced families have greater social/relationship anxiety, which attests to a lack of secure attachments.
Yet, others oppose these contentions. Ehrenberg (2006) found in a qualitative analysis that peer support is a primary help for adolescents whose parents are divorced. Additionally, Sullivan (1953) comprised a “substitution model” which claims that “although peer-child relationships at large are independent of parent-child relationships, a child may seek to develop relationships with peers that would compensate for the damaged parent-child relationship” (Guttman, 1993). This model is in direct opposition to Bowlby’s attachment theory and Freud’s object-relations theory. “Freud’s (1950) object-relations theory and Bowlby’s (1969) attachment theory both suggest something like a transfer model. That is, a damaged parent-child relationship is transferred to the child’s relationship with others, which in turn results in the child’s retarded ability to form other attachments or close relationships” (Guttman, 1993).
Joseph Guttman conducted an empirical study to determine which of these models or theories was correct. The study was comprised of 120 11th graders in Israel, with half of them coming from divorced families. He states that “significant correlations were found between the subjects’ family status and their feeling of being able to share ‘all or most of your secret thoughts and feelings’ with a best friend (X(1)2 = 7.48; p < .01)” (Guttman, 1993). He reports that 60% of the intact group felt comfortable sharing their feelings with friends compared to 20.8% of the divorced group. Ultimately, he concluded that his findings support Freud and Bowlby’s claims.
Thus, we can see that teens can use peers as a support or additional help in troubling times, but that these affiliations are not adequate compensating mechanisms. Support for Sullivan’s “substitution theory” has not been found; instead, researchers find that when a child has poor relationships with their parents, their peer relationships suffer as well.
Romantic Partner Relationships
Common sense dictates that romantic relationships have the most promise for being able to compensate for parent-adolescent relationships. This is primarily because the two relationships serve similar attachment needs (Hazan & Shaver, 1987; Furman, 2002). In the Christian religions, this is supported as well: a man is commanded to “leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, King James Version). However, whether this conception holds true for adolescents is apocryphal.
There is ample evidence of adolescents turning to romantic partners for the security they lack with their parents. Markiewicz states that “those insecurely attached to mothers turned to her less and to romantic partners more than did those securely attached” (2006). This concedes with his earlier notion that romantic partners are used primarily for proximity (as an attachment function). There is evidence of this behavior in contemporary society. In the high schools, there are many insecure teenagers who seem to cling to their boyfriend/girlfriend in an effort to bolster their weak self-esteem. Such attachments happen, no doubt, but whether they are healthy, is yet to be decided.
Ill effects
There is much research describing the ill effects of adolescent romantic relationships. We will look at just a few of the prevalent negative consequences: delinquency, relational aggression and depression.
In his recent research, Lonardo demonstrates that “those with deviant romantic partners are more delinquent than those with more prosocial partners, regardless of parents’ or peers’ behaviors (Lonardo, 2009). The essence of his argument is that romantic partners can have great negative effect on adolescents that cannot be mediated by parents. Of course, his argument is only looking at “deviant” romantic partners, insinuating that more “prosocial” partners could have a positive effect. But, conversely, can we trust adolescents from insecure parental backgrounds to select only good, “prosocial” partners? Certainly the question is not what could happen, but what will most likely happen. Thus, it is reasonable to claim that forming close attachments with romantic partners in adolescence can result in more delinquent behaviors.
Additionally, when adolescents look only to their romantic partners for security, such intimacies can often violently backfire. Linder has found significant correlations between physical aggression in romantic relationships and weak parent-adolescent relations (2002). More specifically, Linder avers that mother alienation and lack of father communication is associated with romantic relational aggression (Linder, 2002). Such avowals are significant: they postulate that bad parental relationships encourage, or are somehow connected to, relational aggression with one’s romantic partner. These findings disclaim popular sitcoms suggesting that a “hot” boyfriend or girlfriend is all teens need to enjoy a good life, claiming instead that such relationships can cause physical or emotional harm.
Lastly, turning to your romantic partner for an attachment base can result in depression for some teens. Margolese found that romantic partner relationships were more closely associated with depression than father or peer relationships (2005). Moreover, he states that “compared to adolescents’ working models of self with mother, father, or best friend, [the] model of self with romantic partner was rated as significantly less positive” (Margolese, 2005). He avers that poorly attached adolescents suffer from depression because they have fewer coping resources and supportive networks. Assuredly, romantic partner affiliations did not alleviate this problem.
It seems clear that adolescents predominantly use romantic partners to fill their lacking attachment needs. Yet, it is even more pronounced that a majority of these relationships are not healthy, instead steering teens down a path lined with aggression, depression and juvenile delinquency.
Conclusion
All therapists and researchers agree that attachment is fundamental to growth. The dynamics in a parent/adolescent bond in particular are cardinally important to the teen’s sense of security and ability to have other relationships. Adolescents can try and use peers and romantic partners to fill their attachment needs, but they are not as healthy as functional parent-adolescent relationships. Furthermore, between peers and romantic partners, teenagers are more inclined to use romantic partners to replace their parents in secure attachments. However, these attachments also have a greater propensity for negative consequences. Thus, although some can use peers and romantic partners to help when supportive parents are not there, they do not healthily fill all the attachment gaps.
The fact that parent-child attachments are irreplaceable should give our political leaders ample reason to put their efforts towards strengthening marriage and minimizing divorce. At the present, our Healthy Marriage Initiative Programs are struggling because of inconsistent funding. Policy makers have ignored the unspoken needs of children and adolescents and instead highlighted the parent’s selfish plead to have freedom in their lives. The government needs to listen to the loud claims of the social science field and the investigative evidence towards the far-reaching benefits of whole, functional families. Surely this research on the indispensable parent-adolescent bond will further add to the argument to support families nationwide.
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